My first board meeting (or 26 weeks pregnant with #3)
I tend to feel inadequate, inarticulate and almost illiterate when found in the business situations with older men who supposedly have these fancy degrees from prestigious universities and have a proven track record of being successful as founders of the companies, or tripling them in size, or making the right executive decisions or just being able to speak damn smart. I look at them trying to figure out what in the world they can think of me. I walked into the board meeting today. 5 silver haired men sitting around the table, who barely acknowledged me (except for the founder who told me Come on in) kept their conversation going as if I wasn't there. I poured myself a coffee and joined the table and stared at them, trying to look at least little bit adequate with my 6 month pregnant belly and belly button sticking out. They shifted the conversation shortly to financials and budgets and decisions in 2015 but still I felt like my words came out funky when I spoke, I could not find the right terminology. Was I just sounding like a 5-year old? I had this sudden urge to start reading more about how to scale and leverage and all that stuff. So I can speak like them and I can fit in. I was also thinking why can't I just do my spreadsheets and hide behind them and all would be fine. Or that all I hear at home is screaming kids saying over and over Stop it to each other and Poopy mama forever when they get mad at me. Where in the world am I supposed to learn and practice the right terminology to be able to relate to them? To measure up to them? I know this feeling is completely subjective, I know my value is not measured by the sophistication of the words I have available when feeling anxious. Yet, I feel so inadequate tonight.
